To communicate or not is not about revenge

There is a tendency to complain about partners not picking calls when one party desperately attempts to get in touch with the other. The frustration is evident and this is something nobody ever gets used to no matter how long it has happened or the two have been in a relationship. The anxiety that builds is the same as when one partner stays out late and in spite of full knowledge of who they are with and where, Adrenaline still runs high from panic attacks or fear of what might befall the one.

Every loving partner ought to be enraged from the frustration of a blue tick or unanswered phone call by their significant other. No amount of excuse makes sense unless adequate information has been provided prior as to why they will be incommunicado for a given period. Such actions raise questions; why is he avoiding me?

What exactly is he doing and possibly with who? What can be more important than picking a call from husband/boyfriend, girlfriend? Why is she/he returning my calls several hours after the first attempt to reach them/ Can’t they sense the urgency?

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Is the silence contrary to what we have professed to each other before? Has she taken ill? Are they involved in an accident?

Did I do or say something to trigger their silence? Ali ku motchale kapena? Sometimes partners apply the silent treatment on each other, especially when ignored.

The aggrieved party may feel prompted to ‘avenge’ an unpicked phone calls with the same. They may blue tick to spite each other. Sanandiyanke?

Before long, a simple phone calls becomes a full-blown love vendetta that breeds contempt and resentment. Look, the moment you commit to loving someone, they become your problem. Their time becomes yours and they are entitled to your whereabouts.

When they call, pick up and hear them out. There can never be an excuse for being too busy or caught-up in anything more important that the person you profess your love to. Women are good communicators and try to even leave a meeting to pick up their loved ones calls.

Most of them inform their partners about an engagement days or weeks beforehand. This is not out of fear, but to maintain trust and acknowledge him as important to their lives. Most men on the other hand are causal about it and postpone picking up or returning the calls to later—which may be hours or even days later.

Some even leave cities or districts without informing wives or girlfriends and find nothing wrong with it. It’s always an emergency for them, but what sort really, that will allow you pass several trading centres, even stopping to buy kanyenya; but not send a message or call? They accuse her of nagging or insecurity when she complains.

That is disrespect of the highest order. And it is this gender that will scream the loudest when a woman fails to pick her calls when just a day before he failed to pick her 10 phone calls. Most disconnect her over a meeting instead of simply texting to tell her they are engaged.

The value of communication in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. It does not mean anyone is belittled for simply telling their partner they will be tied up for a while and even communicate once that engagement is over. And it is not a feminine thing to communicate; all of us are liable.

Let’s abstain from stressing each other because of missed phones calls, unreturned or blue ticks. Love is fragile and it hurts even when there is no trigger.

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