The missing link in the sex-pleasure-gap

It’s ok for sex to be about pleasure, too. Picture: iStock What if an unplanned pregnancy is the consequence? HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, blurred lines in morality discourse and of course, sex education.

Pleasure has not really been at the top of the agenda, and talking about it, well, is still somewhat taboo. National Sex Day on 10 June may be a fun day of observation, but it’s also got a somewhat serious undertone. There’s a growing body of international research that suggests sexual wellbeing is closely linked to mental health, emotional resilience, self-esteem and overall quality of life, placing it alongside exercise, therapy, and other activities commonly associated with self-care.

The World Health Organisation put its finger on it in its online summary. It defined sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing in relation to sexuality. Its guidance notes that sexual health is not simply the absence of disease or dysfunction but requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and relationships, including the possibility of pleasurable and safe sexual experiences.

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Findings by academics may, in part, help explain why many South Africans appear to be searching for more meaningful conversations about sex. A paper published in Frontiers in Public Health, for example, noted that sexuality should be recognised as an important contributor to overall wellbeing rather than being viewed solely from a medical or reproductive perspective. Their work found that intimacy, pleasure and sexual satisfaction were closely linked to quality of life and emotional well-being.

According to the 2023 Durex Global Sex Survey, 64% of sexually active South Africans described themselves as satisfied with their sex lives. Dig a little deeper, however, and a more complicated picture emerges. Thirty percent admitted to having faked an orgasm, while only 52% said they had discussed their sex life with their partner as a way of improving it.

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