Detty December is finally here! Are you in or out?, by Chidera Onah

I hear many Zambians either don’t know what Detty December truly is or have never experienced it. #YouHaveBeenMissing. Allow me break it down without stress:“Detty December” is the season where tension take annual leave.

It’s a period in December (especially in Lagos, Nigeria) where one intentionally shakes off stress, responsibilities, and sometimes even your savings. It’s a culture, a heritage, a spiritual calling… depending on who you ask. To successfully participate, you need four things:1.

Money (plenty of it)2. Clothes (the hottest, finest, show-stopping outfits)3. Connections (the “plug” who knows where the next big thing is happening)4.

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E N E R G Y (if you sleep, you lose)From the second week of December, Lagos transforms into a festival of concerts, raves, events, and back-to-back enjoyment. Ghana and South Africa are trying to compete, but Lagos still holds its crown with pride. Even Ciara visited Lagos outside December and vowed to return for Detty December.

When international celebrities start making promises, just know it’s serious business. Why “Detty” and not “Dirty”? Detty is the slang that makes your madness look classy.

You’re not being irresponsible, you’re being “Detty.” See? Instant reputation protection. But here’s the part many won’t tell you:By the time it is December 30th, panic meets regret because you suddenly remember that January has 31 long days.

But still; the memories? Worth every kwacha. You want to be Detty this December, but you’re refusing to buy clothes.

You want to look nice, but you’d rather queue in a mall for an hour than order online in two minutes. Yet the same people will trust a random WhatsApp seller whose profile picture looks like it was taken with a calculator. Make it make sense.

We keep shouting that we want digital transformation, but our habits? They tell another story.Zambia is ready for tech growth, the infrastructure is here, the platforms exist, innovation is booming… but our mindset is stuck buffering at 10%. We trust strangers at bus stops to sell us gadgets, but structured websites?

“No, let me first hear from my aunt’s neighbour’s cousin.”We’ll join long queues acting like it’s part of our national pride, but abandon an online checkout page because the button took one extra second to load. We want convenience but we always choose struggle because struggle feels “safe.” A whole Zambian-grown online marketplace, built properly, with secure payments, and a clean, organized shopping experience. No blurry pictures.

No disappearing sellers. No “DM for price.” No drama.

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