While you were applying sunscreen and insisting that this year you would definitely read a book, the world carried on with its usual commitment to chaos. Here’s the most important stuff you may have snoozed through. If you have managed to avoid any mention whatsoever of the Caracas shenanigans, you have been on a truly enviable bender.
US President Donald Trump could not let more than three days of 2026 pass without smearing a giant orange handprint on the year. When the charge sheet for Maduro’s arrest was produced, eyebrows were raised at the fact that it included “possession of machine guns” – in a country where 11-year-olds regularly stuff their Skibidi school backpacks full of automatic weapons. Still: finally some gun control!
Various absurd narratives have been advanced as the rationale for the Caracas strike. Among them: that Trump deeply cares about democratic legitimacy (which must be why hetried to helphis buddy Jair Bolsonaro escape consequences for staging an attempted coup in Brazil); that Trump is bringing an iron fist down on drug trafficking (which must be whyhe just pardoned the Honduran ex-presidentafter being sentenced to 45 years in jail for drug charges); and that Trump cares deeply about the wellbeing of the Venezuelan people (which must be whyhe stripped all Venezuelansliving in the US of all legal protection in May last year). Yet Trump himself was perfectly open about at least one of his motivations: oil profits.
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After all the time the Bushes spent manufacturing consent for their Middle Eastern excursions, it turns out you don’t even have to bother. Seemingly, the only consequence you will have to face is the EU “monitoring the situation”. Trump said the action was a “Christmas present” to prevent the slaughter of “innocent Christians”.
TheNigerian government saidthe strikes were a joint operation and had “nothing to do with a particular religion”. Total headscratcher. Trump, the “pro-peace” candidate for president, has carried out bombings in seven countries in his second term thus far.
Nigeria was the second African country; Somalia was the first. There’s no chance Pretoria isn’t feeling just a leeetle unsettled right now. While Trump frothed over his Christmas bombing, Nigerian authorities were left to deal with the practical aftermath, including warning civilians about unexploded ordnance.
Denmark entered the new year by responding to renewed US rhetoric about annexing Greenland with firm public resistance and a strong statement from the prime minister. The last occasion on which someone discussed annexing Greenland was Erik the Red in the year 982 AD, so it’s understandable that the Danes have been in a state of quiet bemusement on this topic until now. There are now multiple betting apps, though they have been tastefully rebranded as “prediction markets”, where you can bet on basically any news event.
(At least one person, who may or may not be Pete Hegseth, made $400,000 betting on Maduro’s removal 24 hours before it happened. Amazing stroke of luck.)
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