For want of a single, striking word to capture the combined sense of embarrassment and humiliation that the Chevrons’ performance inspired, synonyms like shameful, mortifying, degrading, cringe-worthy and abysmal come to mind but do not quite cut it.
Maybe shamortiflage = shame + mortification + outrage… Batting collapses, toothless bowling, and a team without pride have made the Chevrons the laughing stock of world cricket.
The two-match Test series wasn’t just a loss, it was a disgrace, a team that has long shamed the nation.
A team that seems to have forgotten the pride of wearing the national crest.
The scoreboard said defeat, but the story is deeper: the Chevrons lacked fight, intent and the spirit of 16 million Zimbabweans.
Two and a half days into a five-day Test, they were done.
One has to ask: are we even worthy of Test cricket status?
For too long, fingers have pointed at administrators and the technical team.
The players must step up.
Mediocrity has become their comfort zone; their failures, predictable.
In four innings, not once did Zimbabwe manage a 200-plus score.
Yes, beating New Zealand was always a tall order, but losing like this, without pride or resistance, is unacceptable.
The batting was mortifying.
A pitch that seemed possessed for Zimbabwe turned into paradise for the BlackCaps.
Brendan Taylor, at 39 and four years out of the game, scored a solid 44, showing the class and intent absent in the rest.
Only Taylor, Tafadzwa Tsiga and Nick Welch resisted; the others were a walking parade.
Across two matches, Zimbabwe totalled 556 runs, barely enough to match New Zealand in a single innings of four sessions.
Let that sink in.
Henry Nicholls, Devon Conway and Rachin Ravindra individually outscored the Chevrons in the second Test.
A “world-class” attack reduced to spectators, trudging back to their marks as boundaries rained.
Facing a second-string South African side, Zimbabwe took 10 wickets in an innings just once in two matches.
Against New Zealand, the story repeated.
Not one bowler consistently troubled a top-order batter.
The players need to ask themselves: are you here to compete, or just collect match fees?
Representing Zimbabwe in Test cricket is a privilege, not a participation award.
Even head coach Justin Sammons admitted when players play for themselves, it shows.
But Sammons and his technical team are not above reproach.
Since taking over, all we’ve heard is “we are learning lessons. ” How long will we continue taking lessons while performances decline?
No progress is visible from Dave Houghton or Lalchand Rajput either.
Repeated failures indicate a lack of preparation, poor mental conditioning and tactical chaos.
Nine Tests this year, one win, zero improvements.
This is no longer a minor problem; it’s a crisis.
And at the heart of the rot sits the board.
The Takashinga-controlled ZC board runs the game like a personal tuckshop, engaging in blame-shifting while standards crumble.
Development pathways are weak.
Domestic cricket is subpar.
Selection is biased; regionalism and club loyalty eclipse merit.
Race and connections trump performance.
The result: a consistently underperforming national team.
Zimbabwe has lost every home Test this year, yet the leadership acts as if nothing is wrong.
Pure negligence.
Yet, in this dark landscape, there is hope.
Taylor, Tsiga and Welch showed fight.
Young talent, when nurtured, can shine.
This is why sweeping reforms are urgent, not endless reviews or empty promises.
Underperforming players must be dropped.
Coaches who fail to inspire must go.
Board members presiding over decline must be held accountable.
Zimbabwean cricket is at a crossroads.
If nothing changes, the Chevrons will remain the world’s cricketing joke.
But with decisive action — rigorous selection, merit-based development, accountable leadership — Zimbabwe can claw back pride, skill and respect.
For now, the Chevrons are shamortiflage incarnate: a team that embarrasses itself, its nation and cricket lovers everywhere.
But change is possible.
The Chevrons must shed mediocrity, reclaim pride, and remember that wearing the black, gold and green is a privilege, not a spectacle of disgrace.
B-Metro does not enjoy bashing the Chevrons — but facts are facts.
This team is in crisis and until it confronts the rot, Test cricket in Zimbabwe will continue to be a painful theatre of humiliation. 🔗
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