Sissy Obisi Dhlamini’s story is a tribute to the countless South African women whose invisible labour keeps families, communities and hope alive There are strong women and then there is Sissy Obisi Dlamini, whom we have always called Mamkhulu. here are strong women and then there is Sissy Obisi Dlamini, whom we have always called Mamkhulu. She taught me that resilience is rarely loud, triumphant or glamorous.
It looks like waking up every morning and continuing to carry other people long after your own heart has been broken into pieces too small to count. It is believing that love is measured less by what you say than by how faithfully you show up. When I think of Mamkhulu, I do not first remember the woman who eventually found love again or the respected church leader who has become a source of comfort to many.
I remember a hospital room. The smell of disinfectant hung in the air as machines hummed steadily beside her bed. Her body had been ravaged by illness, her spirit exhausted by years of unimaginable loss.
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Quietly, almost matter-of-factly, she told us that perhaps the end needed to come because she was tired of hurting. It is a memory that has never left me because it forced me, at a young age, to confront an uncomfortable truth: the people we call strong are often the ones who have spent years wondering whether they have anything left to give. Yet Mamkhulu’s story should not begin with tragedy.
Long before grief became the defining language of her life, she had become the person everyone depended on. As the middle child, she naturally grew into the emotional centre of the family. Responsibility came before freedom.
When she started working, her salary immediately stopped belonging to her alone. She never made a spectacle of generosity. She quietly solved problems, stretched what little she had and carried burdens without expecting applause. Looking back, I realise she was practising a form of leadership that many women inherit without ever asking for it.
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