Appetite for destruction. Divorce can be tricky. Picture: Hein Kaiser / Phillip Botha Valentine’s Day sells retail romance, but for many couples it is pulp fiction.
We like to believe that love either lasts forever or ends with a hug, a handshake and a polite forever-friends mantra. Life though, is not a greeting card. When divorce goes bad, love rots.
The 1989 black comedyThe War of the Rosessaw a wealthy, successful couple tear each other apart, not because they were incapable of love, but because pride, property and power became more important than peace. It was exaggerated and almost frivolous, yet some real lives have come very close to that same precipice. More than three decades later, Apple TV’sThe Rosesproves very little has changed in the bad and ugly of divorce.
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This time, husband Theo is an architect whose career collapses just as his wife Ivy’s small restaurant hits success. Their roles reverse. He raises the children and hoovers the lounge while Ivy sips champagne on private jets.
Resentment follows, inevitably. When the Roses decide to divorce, the fight is no longer about separating but about possessions, particularly the house that once symbolised everything they built together. What follows is black comedy laced with sabotage, cruelty and petty politics, ending with an ironic twist.
It’s a fantastic film but also reality for many couples, said legal broker Shaun Muskat ofKaren Shafer Attorneys. Muskat said he has seen enough high-conflict divorces to recognise the precise moment when matters turn toxic. It is rarely about one argument too many or even infidelity.
The real trigger is imbalance. “Every divorce is unique,” Muskat said. “A divorce becomes destructive when one spouse has more money than the other.
Both parties become vengeful.” “People who function perfectly well in boardrooms and offices begin acting in ways that would be unrecognisable to colleagues and friends,” he shared. “Not because they lose reason, but because divorce becomes about money and control. It is always about money and having control.” Once that mindset takes hold, people will do whatever they can if they think it would strengthen their position, but these tactics almost always backfire.
One of the most damaging, Muskat said, is the calculated use of the domestic violence courts. “Using the domestic violence court to gain an advantage ultimately has a negative result, as genuine cases are delayed or not heard.” Children, he added, are also dragged into these fights instead of being protected from them. “Children are used as a pawn in a divorce and it creates long-term family challenges,” Muskat said.
“It destabilises their mental wellbeing. It becomes a murky mess of betrayal and emotional retaliation, leaving children to manage adult chaos.”
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