It is initiation season and many Xhosa families are in the middle of one of the most significant cultural milestones in our tradition —ulwaluko. For generations, this rite of passage has symbolised dignity, responsibility and the transition into manhood. But for parents raising autistic boys, whether diagnosed or still undiagnosed, the season brings more anxiety than celebration.
It forces us into a painful crossroads between honouring tradition and protecting a child whose world is shaped by sensory sensitivities, communication differences and medical needs that are often invisible to the untrained eye. As a mother, an autism advocate and a proud Xhosa woman, I have learnt that two truths can coexist — our culture is sacred, and our children’s safety must never be negotiable. Parents of neurodiverse boys often experience a silent heartbreak.
We fear being judged as “overprotective”, “too modern” or “disrespectful to tradition”, while inside we are balancing life-or-death considerations. For autistic children, unfamiliar spaces, abrupt routine changes, loud environments and discomfort from pain can quickly escalate into distress. Yet, in the initiation context, boys are often expected to “toughen up” or “adapt” without regard for neurological differences.
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We also know that many of our children struggle to articulate pain, discomfort or danger. Imagine a child who cannot verbalise infection symptoms, sensory overload or fear, and then imagine them in a high-pressure environment without medical support. Reform is not disrespect. Reform is cultural stewardship.
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