Just by reading the headline alone, I know some people have already judged me; ‘how dare she? Does she have parents? That is how bracketed and limited we are when it comes to parents.
In fact, we have a local saying that goes ‘makolo ndi milungu yathu yachiwiri’. This saying cements the feeling that we can never question our parents as they are our ‘God’ on earth. We are not allowed to look at them and critique them.
But let me do what this column is all about; bringing out some painful issues that many find difficult to talk about. We have some parents that are not good at all. They abuse their own children and because of how we as a society are, the abuse is ‘normalised’.
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One of the most common form of abuse by parents involves the ‘first born, or the ‘good child’. This child is forever praised for being the good and responsible one to the extent that the ‘child’ in question forgets about their own life and lives to serve siblings and the parents, a responsibility that is not theirs to begin with. This child at times forfeits their right to marry.
I am sure you and I know this type. And they take pride in doing so saying ‘it is my blessing and responsibility’. Now, why should a child be a parent when the parents are still there?
Why should a parent happily watch as one of their children is burdened with raising children they did not sire? Why are parents bearing children they cannot take care of? Then we have parents who encourage unhealthy competition by comparing their children’s looks, academic accomplishments, among others.
This type use verbal utterances that cut deep into their child’s mind and make them suffer internally all in the name of disciplining or encouraging them. This needs to stop as they have long lasting impact. I know of parents who also favour one child over the other.
Bad parents that encourage rivalry among their own children because one is more gifted than the other. And this spills over even when the children are mature and have their own homes. These parents will visit their favourite child often while neglecting the other.
While parents can justify this behaviour all they like, truth is, children know that it is unfair and it hurts them. And this can have a lasting impact. We also have parents who financially burden their children with too many demands.
And like I earlier said, we are programmed to never question our parents. And even if we do not have the capacity to financially do the things our parents are demanding, we find ourselves in debt trying to appease them and appear to be the good and responsible children. I have said this before and I will say it again, a child or children can never be a solution to a parent’s financial and other challenges.
Burdening children too much is wrong and should be condemned and not normalised. Also, let us agree that we have some bad parents around us who can and are abusing their own children and this must stop because their actions have long lasting impacts on the children. Our need to appear like the good children should not allow bad parents to get away with abuse. Let us break the cycle.
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