This Christmas, my lord, the traditional carols were drowned out by a different kind of chorus: the frantic clicking of keyboards and the dry rustle of leaked memos concerning John Answer’s holy pilgrimage to the land of King George. Whether Nyasaland’s threadbare public purse should be stretched to clothe private pilgrims in designer wool is not my sermon today. That debate has already been litigated in op-eds and by “Human Rights Abusers” with all the solemnity of a parish council meeting during a drought.
What fascinates me, my lord, is the unintended moral of this drama: the theory that the People’s Demagogic Party (PDP) unity is being tested. Some suggest it resembles a medieval army where every knight is sharpening their sword against their neighbour while swearing eternal allegiance to the same king. It is a spectacle that is beautiful from a distance but rather messy when the blood starts to splatter.
Forgive me if I sound like a PDP apologist, but those claiming this “allowance saga” has exposed cracks in the party are merely mistaking a volcanic eruption for a bit of campfire smoke. The gossips suggest that Answer is a mere intruder and not of the true “Blue-blooded” stock and that certain old-guard barons smirked at her elevation as if PDP membership were a hereditary title passed down from the heavens. Yet, my lord, who among them can claim to be “Bluer” than Mapuya?
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The PDP itself is but a faded fabric from the salvaged rags of the old Yellow Party. Beyond Mapuya himself and a handful of relics, the rest are merely recent converts who boarded the gravy train at the nearest station. One might ask if the leaked memo was the handiwork of a disgruntled inner circle, eager to throw her to the wolves for a festive snack.
Such a simplistic explanation belongs in a bedtime fable. Remember, my lord, Answer is Mapuya’s chosen one. To undermine her is to undermine Him, and as we know, the Great Leader does not suffer fools or rebels gladly.
Those who dare question his judgment are swiftly reminded of their station just ask the ‘Gangster’ if he still has his teeth. Do not read too much into the media team’s conspicuous silence on the coat-and-allowance saga. Have you forgotten that this incident occurred while the PDP’s hardworking spin-doctors had switched off their gadgets for the festive mood?
It wasn’t a lack of defence; it was simply a well-deserved nap. Far from evidence of panic, this silence is the practised restraint of a party that prefers the “official line” to the fevered chatter of Facebook. Why dignify gossip with a rebuttal when silence can be so beautifully sculpted to look like unity?
So, my lord, let us dismiss the melodrama of “camps” and “plots.” The notion that a scheming cabal within the PDP is secretly celebrating a scandal they themselves engineered belongs to the opposition’s creative fiction department. Haven’t we been reminded ad nauseam that the PDP is a “System”? How can a system ostracise its own motherboard?
The PDP, we are assured, remains a well-oiled machine: organised, united, and singularly focused on the minor tasks of delivering subsidised fertiliser before the rains end and finding the maize that vanished between here and Northern Rhodesia. These are tasks that, if achieved, will surely silence even the most persistent whisperers.
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