6 hours agoThe deepening emotional crisis among children of divorce

Salia Mokobo, a pseudonym adopted to safeguard his professional reputation, shared a poignant account of how his parents’ divorce shattered his childhood and continues to reverberate through his adult life. Born in January 1993 as the youngest of four siblings, Mokobo was barely a year old when his mother filed for divorce in 1994. He later learned that the dissolution of their marriage stemmed from his father’s struggle with alcoholism and the ensuing physical and emotional abuse.

Though his father was a teacher and his mother a nurse, the promise of a stable, professional household quickly unraveled. Soon after the divorce, his mother relocated to the United States to pursue further education. Left under the care of their father, Mokobo and his siblings were shuffled among various relatives for years.

His mother’s absence during his formative years was profound, while his father’s presence was inconsistent at best. At the age of eight, Mokobo’s mother returned from the US and endeavored to reunite her children under one roof. They moved into a property she had secured as part of the divorce settlement, but his father’s harassment persisted relentlessly.

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“I moved to a women’s shelter with my sister and mother. That’s when I made the decision, as I got older, to do better and become a better version of myself. I became deeply academic and became a high achiever at school for many years.” Growing up was a relentless struggle for Mokobo.

Without a positive male role model to guide him, he was forced to navigate the complexities of life alone. “Eventually, my mother’s financial situation became stable enough to put all of us under one roof. For some time, there was stability, and we didn’t see too much of our father.

Early junior school years, I found myself leaning towards less desirable friends. I had a strong desire to fit in with alcohol and cigarettes. Started drinking from 11, found solace in the bottle; it felt good to let go of troubles, so I drank a lot and often.” Despite the turmoil within, Mokobo excelled academically throughout high school, assuming leadership roles and maintaining impressive grades.

Yet behind this façade of success lay profound loneliness and a secret dependence on alcohol. University ushered in newfound freedom. Thanks to government stipends and financial support from his mother, who had transitioned into the private sector, Mokobo had the means to fuel his habits.

With his mother frequently away on business, his home became a hotspot for parties. “Inside of me, the party did not have to end. Eventually, alcohol was not enough; I turned to hard drugs, cocaine to be exact.

I would be so angry with the world, and my mood changed to wanting to be alone.” In a desperate quest for healing, Mokobo sought to reconnect with his father. Yet, with both men battling alcoholism, their relationship quickly devolved into toxicity. “The loneliness stayed through varsity until it materialized into depression, ultimately becoming suicidal attempts.” The family made attempts at counseling to confront their buried wounds, but these were short-lived.

Mokobo survived two suicide attempts over the years, and his bond with his father remained fractured. Ultimately, through intensive therapy and prayer, he mustered the strength to overcome addiction. He completed his degree successfully and has since held several significant professional roles.

Reflecting on his journey, he acknowledges the void left by his father’s absence. “All in all, it wasn’t easy to navigate life without any positive male figure. Although my sister and mother were supportive through the journey, certain answers can only be given to a son by their father.” Statistics Botswana’s 2024 Marriage Statistics Brief casts light on marriage trends over the past four years.

The report notes that 7,631 marriages were registered in 2021, followed by 5,642 in 2022, 4,789 in 2023, and 4,517 in 2024. “Gaborone had the highest proportion of registered marriages in 2024, accounting for 11.9 percent of all unions. This was followed by Central Serowe/Palapye (9.6%), Kweneng East (9.2%), and Southern (8.8%) districts.

Districts such as Sowa (0.3%), Jwaneng (0.7%), and Chobe (0.9%) registered the lowest proportions. This is, however, expected, as the percentages align closely with the sizes of the respective populations.”

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